The World According To Crystal

The view while I was writing this post. Yes, life is good.

I’ve tried to write a blog post every week since April 17.  Each one has ended up in the draft stage.

What happened between April 17 and now? An adventure-filled trip in Aruba, a raging sinus infection and the death of my friend, David Poole.

More importantly, I’ve been recovering from my departure from the Observer. It’s been just over five weeks since I left my workplace of 20 years.

The newspaper business, as many of you know, is in trouble. All traditional media is in trouble. At the Observer, I lasted through at least four rounds of layoffs/buyouts, salary/raise freezes and dramatic 401k/pension changes. In January, we learned there would be yet another round of layoffs, cutbacks, consolidations, etc.

For the last year, I often caught myself holding my breath and wondering what was going to happen next. My cautious friends advised: Stay off the radar. Hunker down. Suck it up. Lower your too-high standards. Be happy/grateful that you have a job.

Breathe in. Hunker down. Breathe out. Happy to have job. Breathe in. Lower standards. Breathe out. Breathe in.Breathe out.Breathe in.Breatheout.Breathein. Holding.Holding.Holding.

On Feb. 5, I decided that I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.

I raised my hand to be considered for a layoff. In the worst economy since the Great Depression, I wanted to be unemployed. Several questioned my sanity. Others, those who truly know me and love me, knew that I was sane. They trusted that I was doing what was right for me.

Don’t see the Observer’s editors as the bad guys. Editors that I respect tried to get me to stay. “Are you sure?” they asked repeatedly. I was sure.

So, what’s life like now?

The stress that had snaked through my body and soul has finally started to uncoil. I no longer take Ambien to sleep or pop a Xanax or two to make it through a day. And those meds were on top of antidepressants (which I will soon taper off from … slowly… following my doctor’s guidelines). My blood pressure is lower than it has been in years. A loved one told me that the tension was gone from my voice. My laughter is fuller and more heartfelt, a friend mentioned. I have dreams again at night instead of being in an Ambien sleep state.

Breathe in. Pause. Breathe out. Pause. Breathe in. Pause. Breath out.

I am fortunate that I can take this time. Most people who are unemployed can’t. I know that I am blessed and don’t take it for granted.

I’ve been working full-time since the day I left college at age 21. I started working part-time jobs when I was 14. I’ve never had more than two weeks off straight in my professional career. I will be 45 in June. You do the math.

I’ve earned this break. And the time to breathe, to think and to enjoy a sunny day.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m writing this from a rooftop patio with my feet up. I’m admiring the skyline of the city I call home. Birds are chirping. Rush hour is nearly over.

I couldn’t be happier.

I dearly miss my Observer “family” and friends. I miss their passion, their creativity and their dedication. But I do not miss the stress or the uncertainty.

Breathe in. Smile. Breathe out. Smile. Breathe in. Smile. Breathe a sigh of relief.

A poem written and illustrated by Alex Whitehead

This time last week, I was packing my office at The Charlotte Observer and saying goodbye to my coworkers, many of whom I had worked with for more than 20 years.

To say that day was hard was an understatement. I’m not good at goodbyes.

Why did I leave? I want to pursue a career in the nonprofit world. As I’ve gotten older, my do-gooder heart has outgrown my journalist heart.

Beth and Alex Whitehead

One of the most touching gifts that I received that day was an illustrated poem from Alex Whitehead, the son of the awesome Beth Whitehead. He and I became pals when Beth and I worked together at the Observer.

Alex, who is almost 8 years old, would come by and visit my office. He enjoyed looking at the big colorful flowers, which someone called “clown flowers,” that filled a large bucket and a few vases in my office.

The clown flowers

I loved the flowers, too. They never failed to make me smile. Mark Price, a friend and one of the best writers I know, started bringing me the flowers when he would see them in a thrift shop. At one time, there were well over five dozen flowers.

Alex became enchanted by the silly flowers. And I became enchanted by him. I love his smile and his kind spirit. Plus, he’s a redhead.

On his mom’s last day of work, I let him pick out one final flower. He chose one of the biggest ones. We joked about whether Beau, Alex’s dog, would carry this one around in his mouth like he had with another.

As a “thank you,” Alex wrote and illustrated a poem for me (it’s at the top of this post).

Beau and Alex.

The bottom illustration is of Alex and Beau.

The top illustration is a flower rocket on its way to Planet Power.

Here is the poem:

“The time has come to say goodbye,
Set your flower rocket to the sky!

You are smart and I am too.
So let’s give a cheer to me and you!

A movie star or a gardener too,
I’ll be your fan whatever you do.

So put on your smile and grab a flower.
Next stop – PLANET POWER!”

Yes, my heart melted. And sharing this poem with you is my thank you to Alex.

What happened to the flowers?

During my final week at the Observer, after I picked out about 20 to take home, I asked my coworkers to come get one to remember me by. They took them back to their desks and put them up.

A friend emailed me to come out to the newsroom to see the “Crystal” flower garden had sprung up around the room.

Alex’s poem and the “Crystal” garden have gotten me through this first week. It helps to think of them when I miss the smart, creative, passionate and funny people that helped make me who I am today.

I am blessed.

And, Alex, I can’t wait to see what Planet Power holds. You’ll have to come visit me there, too.

I’m a huge fan of “Friday Night Lights.” It’s one of best shows on TV. It’s in my Top 20 best series ever. If you’ve never watched “FNL,” all three seasons are on Hulu.com.

One of my characters is Tyra. Her mom goes through guys like packs of Marlboro Lights. Her daddy left when she was a baby. Her sister is a stripper.

When the show started, Tyra was the Queen of Low Self Esteem. She partied. She screwed around. Her grades sucked. She was beautiful and smart but had no sense of worth or self respect.

She was sexually assaulted, helped get rid of the body of the bastard who attacked her, flunked classes, dated the sexy bad boy, fell for a good guy, stomped all over the good guy’s heart, ran away with a rodeo stud, etc.

Her story arc in the last three seasons fascinated me (except for that whole murder thing).  For every step forward, she took two or three or four back. She ran for class president and used her sister’s stripper pals for a rally. And she won. Then she bailed with the rodeo stud. Yet she came back.

Why? Because Tyra had people who believed in her: friends and a guidance counselor.

Tyra finally realized her worth and her power in the finale. She had to write her college entry essay. Landry, the good guy with the broken heart, told her that her first draft didn’t work (He called it a “five-page needlepoint pillow”). He kept pushing her to do better (“dig deeper, and fastly”). He urged her to talk about why she wanted to go to college and what changed her life in the last two years.

The whole episode rocked but I wanted to put the essay up because it’s poetic (looking for the author…so he/she can be credited… it may be the work of Jason Katims… I’ve loved him since “My So-Called Life”). Go back to top and watch the clip. But if you’re like me, you’ll want to have the words, too. Here ya go:

“Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything.
I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure.

Dear beloved blog:

Sorry I have been so lax in staying in touch. I could blame my Twitter addiction or the Wii.

Actually, the major distraction

is something bigger than that. But I can’t tell you yet. Details, soon. I promise. *Disclaimer: No, I am not pregnant.*

But here’s what I can tell you about, I…:

• Took a trip to NYC with my girls Rachel and Samantha. Saw old friends, made new ones. Ate lots of pizza and cupcakes (Crumbs is No. 1). Visited MOMA, saw Will Ferrell’s one-man show, finally took a carriage ride around Central Park, got a peek at Spanx’s new Haute Contour line (very sexy) and visited several H&Ms.
• Watched a brilliant production of “Living Out” at the Great Aunt Stella Center. My pal Anne Lambert directed while my muse/guardian angel Donna Scott starred in it.
• Enjoyed a Highland Brewing Company beer-tasting dinner at Zink. Sampled amazing beers (love the Gaelic Ale and Oatmeal Porter) and enjoyed an incredible dinner (including the best cheese that I’ve ever had in my life… Carr Valley Applewood Smoked Cheddar … kudos to Chef Jon Fortes). I also had the pleasure of meeting Highland’s owner, Oscar Wong, and got to his inspiring story about the gift of taking time to breathe.
• Figured out that meds I have been paying $15 a month can be purchased for $4 a month now.
• Reconnected with three old friends. Making plans to visit another one soon.
• Appreciated hearing “I love you” from a mentor/dear friend/goddess (yes, I’m talking to you).
• Hatched a project with a fellow red head and enjoyed the divine goodness known as Halloumi cheese.
• Chowed down at the Chili Queen & King’s new restaurant. I am sooooo proud of them.
• Instantly fell in love with the new U2 album. Hoping to get tickets for Raleigh show. May go to Chicago or Toronto, too. I actually priced trip to Dublin. Yeah, not going to happen. *A girl can dream* Favorite line so far: “Women of the future hold the big revelations.” (“Sexy Boots”)

Notice how I didn’t mention the Great Recession/Disturbance. I’m not ignoring it. But I’m not wallowing in it. Life must go on.

xo, c

ps: I promise to post the Pumpkin Pancake recipe this weekend.

Being on FaceBook does sort of feel like I’m back in high school again. But it’s also been a great place to reconnect with family and friends.

There’s a chain letter kind of thing making the rounds on FB. You make a list of 25 pieces of info about yourself. It could be a habit, a fact or a dream. And then you publish it and forward it to 25 people that you want to know more about.

There’s no promise of lottery winnings or a new house.

I usually blow these things off but the ones I’ve read have been quite interesting. I was tagged over the weekend and wrote mine last night.

1. I’m older than I look. I’m 44.

2. I have an Evil Twin, but she’s 30 years younger than me. Her name is Sydney.

3. I also have an inner geek/nerd who demands to be nurtured.

4. I’m too chicken to have Lasik surgery but had no problem asking my doctor to let me look at my tendons during tendonitis surgery on my right hand. *I had to look at the tendons because it seems I have two sets in my wrist or something like that.*

5. I love the music of U2, Stevie Wonder, the Foo Fighters, Common, the Avett Brothers, Bettye LaVette (so awesome to see her sing with Jon Bon Jovi @ the Inauguration concert), Radiohead, REM, Aretha Franklin, the Dixie Chicks and Wham! (yes, that’s right, I said Wham!… I own it…go ahead and mock.)

6. I often say that Elvis Presley was the first concert I attended. That’s a lie. It was the Osmond Brothers. I loved Donny. But I did see Elvis twice because my mom adored him. First time was cool. Second time was scary. *Thanks, Mom!*

7. I always thought I would live in D.C. Still might. Who knows?

8. I’ve worn a WVU sweatshirt for years. No one seemed to notice until WVU beat Tar Heels in the bowl game.

9. Also, when I wear a Yankees ball cap, I’ve noticed that people in Charlotte often react negatively.

10. I’ve been told that I’m a perfectionist. I prefer to think of it as having high standards.

11. I don’t have children. I may adopt or become a foster mom some day, but I love my nieces and my nephew as if they were my own.

12. I love having adventures and experiences.

13. I get bored easily.

14. In grade school, I once had to write “I will not instigate trouble” 500 times on a blackboard. (See #13… can’t remember specifics of what prompted that punishment.)

15. I engaged in dictionary battles in high school. (See #13; yes, this means we hurled dictionaries at each other.)

16. I was kicked out of the Girl Scouts for having a “smart mouth.” (See #13… although, whenever I make this confession, other women say “Me, too.”)

17. I’m horrible at math, playing the flute and doing my nails.

18. I believe if you don’t vote or participate, then you shouldn’t bitch.

19. I knew I wanted to be a journalist/writer since I was in 2nd grade. Comics were what drew me in. I did consider being a marine biologist in 3rd grade for a few weeks. I believe this was after my first trip to the beach.

20. I think my brother’s awesome and a great dad. (… I think I’ve told him this but in case I haven’t, it’s on the record now. And despite what he says, I did not try to drown him on that first trip to the beach.)

21. I wonder if I’ve ever really been in love.

22. I’ve learned to trust my instincts because 99 percent of the time they’re dead-on.

23. I was in New York City on Sept. 11. It was the worst and best place to be. The worst because of the loss and the fear. The best because I saw the strength and kindness that we all possess and will share. I still fight not to cry when I think about it.

24. I always chuckle when my cat Chloe snores.

25. I believe that one person can make a difference.

My pals, Rhonda and Rachel, and I are training for a sprint triathlon in October. We agreed to start training in January rather than April. Or August.

On Jan. 11, we hit the Mallard Creek Greenway on our bikes. Mine is an old-school cruiser. I had skinny tires on still from riding around Uptown, etc. The greenway is mostly paved with a few gravel sections.

Skinny tires + pea gravel = not a good idea.

I went to pass Rhonda’s bike and hit her back wheel. And I went down. Hard.

As I was falling, though, I started to stick my hand down to catch my fall. Images of two friends who had broken bones that way flashed through my head. I pulled my hand in and let my shoulder take the brunt of the fall.

The damage (after two doctor visits, x-rays, MRI): Severely bruised shoulder. Could have been much worse. 4-6 weeks of physical therapy.

Here’s what I learned in the week after the wreck and before the diagnosis:

1) Getting back on the bike wasn’t a big deal.

2) Knowing how to fall is crucial.

3) I don’t own any shirts that button or zip up the front.

4) MRI appointments can be scheduled for as late as 9 pm because of demand for the machines. I’m going to guess that cost justification plays a part in that, too.

5) I’m claustrophobic in coffin-like spaces. Tried to do a closed MRI on Jan. 13. Giant FAIL. Elevators, good. Coffins, bad. Good to know. The open MRI with a side of Xanax was just fine.

6) A sling can help deter people from playfully punching you on the shoulder or giving you a real pat on the back.

7) A solid friend is someone who gets up at 7 a.m. on a Saturday – and it’s 14 degrees – to take you to open MRI.

8 ) Change tires to match the kind of ride you’re going to do.

9) Always wear a helmet. *yes, i had one on.*

10) Pain management and a sense of humor are critical.

It’s raining in Charlotte today. It’s 61 degrees.

I believe that it rained all night. It’s supposed to rain for the next 24 hours.

I’m home with a cold viral thing. Ick. I’m bored.

Before I return to reading “Omnivore’s Dilemma,” I’ll leave you with two of my favorite rain or shine classics… click the title and enjoy:

Led Zeppelin’s “Rain Song” (Madison Square Garden, 1973)

And The Beatles’ “Good Day Sunshine“

I became a Twitter junkie last fall. If you’re not sure what Twitter, FaceBook or MySpace are, then most of this post will be gibberish. But if you’re social media savvy, it’ll make sense.

Twitter is a social media site that asks one question: What are you doing? You have 140 characters to answer. It’s basically text-messaging to the web or frequently updating your Facebook/MySpace status.

I used Twitter for one of the magazines that I edit but switched to my own account.  Separating church (me) and state (work) became cumbersome. (Tip o’ hat to Gary O’Brien for that analogy!)

I alerted the Twitter-verse about the separation and wow .. little did I know that @CrystalDempsey would become #4 on the list of biggest follower increases among journalist twitterers in December. (Click here for the stats, Mom.)

However, I called for a recount since @CrystalDempsey is my personal account… just like this is my personal blog.

If you want to learn more about Twitter, Facebook or social media in general, let me know. I’ve found the Twitter-verse to be full of smart, fun people.

10 simple things that we should say more often…

Staking my claim to my name on WordPress. More to come.